te necesito
I finished.
I like to call it - the thing I finish, I mean - : the 4 years of self-development and self-destruction.
I did drop some tears the minute I walked out of the examination room. Afterwards, the scene with all the huggings were like a drama. I spent, every day, for a week and a half hitting bars in Krems, was intoxicating myself and of course more huggings. I ran out of money and felt it was time to go back to Amsterdam and live a ‘normal’ life again. But I have to tell you, it felt great to party for SOMETHING.
Yes, I am now Mag. Laurentia Lestari Dhanio, BBA. Might be just some titles for others. But I had to be proud of myself, I did do my best and was the first double degree who passed IMC on time. I partied for that, I laughed for the friends I made, I moved my body to pay off all the nights sitting in front of computer until my ass was shaped like the chair. For the first time, the party was not about the music or the alcohol (at least not only those) but I was saying thank you and congratulations to myself.
The scene of leaving Krems was not as bad as I thought it would be, maybe because I knew I was going home. Amsterdam looked the same, centraal station is not finished, it’s summer but still windy. The first thing I did was to kiss my boyfriend and my TV. shallow, i know, but try living in a place where the tv only speaks german.
So now what? When you have so many things to plan, so many opportunities lay before you, but you just do not know where to start. I want to continue Master, I dont want to continue, I want to stay with my boyfriend, I want to go to Japan, I want to open a school or work with children, I want to stay in the Netherlands, I want to stay in Indonesia.. and on and on and on..
But like Frankie said, "there were times, I’m sure you knew, when I bit off more than I could chew. But through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out."
I will need to make a decision one day. But for now, I think I need to go home. To my family. Of my 22 years (minus 2 months) of living, I only spent 14 years with my father and 7 years with my mother. The last time I left Indonesia, I also promised my grandma that I will see her again.
I already booked the ticket and there is this strange feeling that this is a one way ticket. But until the flight day, I’ll just enjoy my last couple of weeks here. Just finished reading ‘the curious incident of the dog in the night-time’. Recommended.
My boyfriend entertains my days by providing movies and installing the Sims 2 for me. I wish he’d have more time with me. I guess he kinda forgot that we are separating until dont know when.
Ha pasado el tiempo, no he dejado ni un momento de pensar en los viejos sueños, en las noches de concierto en un bar. Esta madrugada, que parece nunca acabar.
‘Esta Madrugada - Amaral - Sandra’s fave song’
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