things uncaptured by cameras (part 1)
some of you have written nice comments on my Japan photos, probably being ‘awed’ and perhaps even said how much you want to be in Japan.
Yes, Japan is beautiful, the scenes are clean, very well taken care of, most places look familiar from your Japanese dramas and comics, right?
But when you asked me, "how is Japan?"
I came up with super intelligent comments, like "awesome" or "great" or "woohoo".
truth is, i never know what to say when you ask about Japan, dears.
Even Stephen King, the famous writer who breaths,eats and drinks words, said that the best things could not and should not be described in words. Because words diminish it.
As difficult as it is, I’ll try to describe it better here, while I am still in Japan, about some things only to be found in Japan, about personal experiences and happenings, Japanese values and how-to, things a camera can not capture.
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Friendship Level
You remember when you took one of those personality tests? when they ask you to mention your own weaknesses and strengths? Are you one of the people who says "I can make friends easily" in the strengths section?
Well, before being too proud about it, try coming here.
It is difficult to make friends here. Why?
Sure, there are those universal limitations that you find in any foreign country that you live in: from language barriers to a simple explanation that it is hard to penetrate any form of established groups.
But Japanese take the making friends issue to a different level. The best way I can explain why, is simply, they have a rather different definition of what friendship is.
Don’t get me wrong. They are nice. Extremely nice, in fact. But that is about all you get at first. Nice.
Don’t expect that you could always message or call your Japanese friend just for a chit chat. Don’t expect you could stop by at their home freely or in short notice. They are simply not used to that or too busy for that. Don’t expect them to share as much as you usually do. Even if it is not a secret, anything personal will always be considered personal. Any openness or personal questions will be too blunt for them and they could feel attacked.
But if there is anything I have learned from meeting people from different nationalities, it is just that in the end we are all the same. we laugh and cry for all the same things. you just need to wait and find the right switch (Dhanio, 2008).
Ok, a practical example.
My laboratory is a branch of forestry, around 15 men and only 3 girls. In my description of a ‘normal’ environment, in this situation, the girls would be extremely close to each other. Probably, we’ll have the sisterhood mentality. Like, we should be having our own team in this men world. But the girls in my lab they don’t even seem to know about each other so much. They don’t have lunch together or hang out together outside school.
It was weird, and in a way, dissappointing.
One weekend last year, we went on a hiking trip. After a whole day of field work, we went to take a bath in the hotspring. I was still unpacking slowly when the other girls were already in the bath, yelling out my name, telling me to hurry join them in the hotspring.
I thought, "what’s the rush? I’d prefer taking the bath privately actually". but anyway I went down there to join them.
I opened the door, the three girls were already in the bath, naked, grinning at me. (sorry, no photos of this event).
And as soon as I dipped my naked ass into the hot water, they shot me with questions:
"So, do you have a boyfriend?""What’s his name?""where is he from?""I just got engaged. do you want to marry him?" "Is he missing you now?""Why did you breakup with the other one?"
In that hot water, I froze.
After 6 months of meeting them almost everyday, and on those days we just talked about school things, weather and other general news, this??, the bath time??, this is the time they chose to get to know my personal matter ?! They chose my most vulnerable time: without clothes.
While it was an attack for me, that was their comfort zone. They are used to this bath thing. Probably they think, we were already naked anyway, so why not be totally naked about personal things also?
Other international friends have similar experiences to mine, one guy from Germany told me that after 3 months working with a Japanese guy in a same office, the first time the guy asked him a personal question ( which was "where do you live?") was when they went out for a drink and the Japanese guy was drunk.
Am I suggesting you that when you go to Japan and you want to make friends, you should take them to a bath and get drunk?
Well, maybe I am.
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